Blackfoot's Yaoi Adventure
by Bane of Bryinel
Summary: A humorous slash fic I wrote one day for fun. Blackfoot comes to visit Ravenpaw and Barley, a gay couple running a B&B. Awkwardness ensues. Rated K for mild yaoi goodness and thematic content. Set between books 5 and 6, original series.


Barley woke up next to Ravenpaw.

"Oh, honey, get the door. Someone's out there."

Ravenpaw yawed and got up. He walked up onto the haylift and shouted down to the cat below.

"Welcome to our B&B. Barn and Breakfast. We have comfortable accommodations."

"How much does it cost?" The cat yelled back.

"Only one Squirrel a night. And all the mice you can eat!"

The cat nodded and Barley let him inside. Ravenpaw followed him.

"Who are you, stranger?"

"My name is Blackfoot. I am a cat of ShadowClan." He said.

"You have amazing pecs," said Ravenpaw in awe.

"Well, I do pilates, with a cross-fit program of clan forming and throat ripping." Said Blackfoot. "Unlike your friend here, I prefer the brutal execution of half-clan cats to sun bathing."

Barley wilted. This newcomer was so _hot_ that he felt pudgy and fat by comparison. The cat shrugged off Ravenpaw's admiring gaze and stretched out on the sunlit hay. Barley tried not to look at his pecs. They really were stunning.

Blackfoot shot him a gaze with his amber eyes and smiled. Barley looked away.

"So, if you're a clan cat, what are you doing here?" Ravenpaw said. He was checking out Blackfoot's awesome abs. Barley kicked him in the butt, and Ravenpaw hissed.

"I came from ShadowClan to help recruit loners to join TigerClan." Blackfoot said.

 _I'd follow you anywhere._ Barley smiled.

"What is TigerClan?" He asked. This impressive cat deserved leadership. This impressive cat deserved respect.

"Oh, nothing big. Just a mighty clan run by an amazing leader."

 _If he's anything like you, he's a feline pile of fur and awesome._ Barley thought. And hotness.

Ravenpaw settled next to Barley.

"The leader is named Tigerstar. Perhaps you've heard of him?"

A knot tightened in Barley's throat. This amazing beefcake kitty was following the most evil cat in the forest! Ravenpaw stumbled, but Barley caught him and helped him up. The strange warrior stretched his ripped abdominals and licked his paw. Then he started grooming Ravenpaw. Ravenpaw let out a happy purr as Blackfoot groomed his whiskers and ears. Barley growled. He did not want to offend this warrior with mighty muscles because he did not want to die. But he would have to make a plan.

Day had turned to night and the three settled in their usual spots. Blackfoot made his nest near the remains of an unlucky rabbit and lay still. When the moon was full and his steady vision convinced them of sleep, Barley walked over to Ravenpaw. He licked his ear and looked up at the moon lighting the sky.

He purred.

"Not now, okay? I have a lot on my mind." Why was Ravenpaw being such a grouch? Ravenpaw sighed and looked at Barley with luminous golden eyes.

"I really hope that Blackfoot leaves soon. He makes me uncomfortable. He is very attractive, but I know I can't trust him. Tigerstar...was very manipulative. I know he may be controlling Blackfoot, but Blackfoot is very smart and is likely plotting his own coup."

Barley licked his sweet Ravenpaw on the ear.

"It seems like you can't trust anyone, my love. You have always been most nervous."

"I can trust you." Purred Ravenpaw.

In the hay, Blackfoot stifled a mew of laughter. Those strange, silly simpletons! He didn't care for them at all! And if he turned them against each other, then ShadowClan could take over this prey-rich barn! Blackfoot shot a seductive glance at Ravenpaw and then went into a scheme-filled sleep.

The next morning, Barley woke up to Blackfoot's nuzzle. The cat, with impressive biceps, was standing over him, a smile on his snout. Barley felt his nose grow hot, but he licked Blackfoot's nose and hurried outside. He was barely outside before he collided with a lanky spotted she-cat that smelled of fish and Tigerstar. Oops. He scrambled back inside and bolted up to the hayloft. Ravenpaw was quivering under a pile of straw.

"He's here! Don't go outside, Barley! He'll rip you tip to tail!" Ravenpaw let out a squeal or fear and hid his head. Barley have the pathetic lump a shove and and walked over to the haylift. Outside, two dozen battle-scarred warriors stood congregated outside in the cornfield. A large, butt-ugly tabby tom was the leader of the gang, but only Blackfoot had such sexy abs. The she-cat hanging on him must be Leopardstar of RiverClan. Blackfoot came up next to Barley and smiled. He had such sharp white teeth, but menace darkened his gaze.

"You bought them here, didn't you?" Barley said, with his chest full of sadness and heartbreak. "You monochromatic betrayer!" Barley was almost spitting with rage. Ravenpaw moaned. The TigerClan cats started to swarm the barn, leaping across the threshold claws exposed and teeth bared. Ravenpaw snapped out of it and kicked the ladder from it's place, scattering cats and cutting off the loft. Blackfoot stood next to Barley, an unreadable expression on his studly face. Tigerstar yowled up to Blackfoot.

"Kill that cat, Blackfoot. Kill him like you killed Stormfur!"

Blackfoot gazed carefully at Barley and turned back to Tigerstar.

"Sir, I don't think I can do this. I request an exemption."

"Why!?"

"Because I am in love with this cat. I will bring mice from this territory. But I can't kill him."

Then, to emphasize his point, Blackfoot leaned towards Barley and kissed him. It was a good, big long smooch, the kind of smooch that Sandstorm and Firestar never had. When it was done, Blackfoot jumped from the high ledge and nodded to Tigerstar, who looked dumbstruck.

"Well fox dung. That was the best smooch I've ever seen, even if it was between a fat loner and my deputy." He shrugged. "For that entertainment, I will let you go free."

Ravenpaw came out and grinned as the cats started melting back into the bush. Blackfoot lingered for a moment after the others had gone.

"Did...did you really mean that?" Said Barley, quietly.

Blackfoot narrowed his eyes.

"No. I do not like to share territory. This TigerClan business will go down the tubes,and I will rule ShadowClan." He started to leave. "I will come back later, lover tom."

The hunky cat padded softly away.

But the monsters came and tore up the ground, so Blackstar never did.


End file.
